Im worried that if I try to be better I might fail.
I am worried about the prospect of not being bigger than my circumstance, situation, job, finances, insecurities,
expectancy to fuck up
or to be screwed,
habitual tendency to beat the shit out of myself
I worry that I am not the whole, funny, secure, beautiful, tall, vibrant, intelligent, nurturing, self made chick, that I rock all day
that I am less than her so much more less than her
I worry they will see how small I really feel
in the linings of my life in the not done's or do over's, in the divorces, and the mistakes
Im a bit worried but mostly ready
ready to shed this doubt and put on some tougher skin
to trade it in
for a solid love of self.
I can't believe you just wrote this today...I just happened to check your old blog tonight, Then somehow ended up here!
ReplyDeleteAs always, beautiful, raw, and honest writing. I'm so glad to see you're still blogging, setting your words free into the universe :-)
Beautiful. Very raw. Scary to read. Scary to identify with. Scary to admit. But you did that. I have so much work to do. The more I choose to LIVE the more I realize how similar we are as human beings. What am I afraid of? The truth is the light. In truth we are the light. It's time to cut the lights on!
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